dennycarleton.com - Will Carleton Play

This play has never been performed, but this is the basic outline . I have songs written for many of the songs . If you are interested in doing a reading of the play or would like perform it contact me at dennycarleton@icloud.com

Stage is divided and is basically a radio studio. With a door, a water cooler a couple of chairs, a computer, a couch and a coffee pot on one side with two microphones for the Dee jays and two more by the mixing board for the two engineers and interns (Julie and Jake) running the station.

Alan Davis is sitting there by his microphone with papers everywhere eating a sandwich, with CDs around him and headphones on, getting everything ready for his show. Janet the station manager is waiting with a pile of papers in her hand taking notes and adding with a calculator waiting for Alan to introduce the next song on the radio.

Alan signals her to wait a second.

Music is playing in background.

Radio - Hey we will back right after this message from your local stations.

Julia is younger, playing with her hair, blue jeans and black and white tennis shoes.

Julia- And now a word from our sponsor

Jake – (chewing gum, with an energy drink and baseball cap on backwards.) Watch tonight on “Oh My TV,” where the children’s toys in the attic become real with guns and tanks destroying whole town. (Jake gives a modern peace gesture)

Julia –Back to our regular scheduled program.

1st -You’re an ignoramus!

2nd At least I'm not an antifeminist racist bigot!

Radio Voice -There you have it on this weeks’ version of “Both Sides of the Story.” See you tomorrow! The preceding program has been brought to you by “Sleep Aid.” Hey having trouble sleeping? Try our new product “Fall Asleep.” Two out of three doctors recommend Sleep Aid for a good nights’ rest. Product may cause blindness, loss of hair or limbs, depression, insomnia and leave large sores around the lips.

Julia - And now everyone let’s hear for our own Alan Davis right here on Whose Who Radio. It’s “CALL IN FRIDAY” on “NOON TIME TUNES!”

Alan- Hey this is Alan Davis and it’s time for “Call in Friday” on “Noon Time Tunes.” The secret word today is hope. Let’s start our lunch break with an instrumental called “Slow Rocking and A-Popping” by “The Mushroom Boys.” (music starts then Julie touches some buttons and the music fades into background so you can hear the dialogue.)

Janet - (dressed in business suit) Could you do these logs and also do some voice overs for these local commercials?

Alan - Sure, it’ll get done but do you care if Jake does it? I have to edit about 15 other projects and I’m doing my show right now.

Janet- Sure. (yells to Jake) Jake do the voice overs and the logs by tonight. While Julie does the board.

Jake- Sure that’s what interns are for.

(Julia gives a thumbs up gesture.)

Alan – (speaking to Janet) Glad you stopped in. I want to talk to you. I’m really getting burned out. I miss the old days.

Janet - We can’t go back Alan. I’ve tried since my dad passed and left me the station to carry on. We can’t go back to the days when he did all the work and we played around. That was a college romance.

Alan- I’m not talking about our past relationship. It’s cool. Although I think sometimes you should relax a little more. You’re so bottom line.

Janet –There’s a lot of pressure running this station and besides, I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made in the past.

Alan - Fine. We have an understanding. It’s not you. It’s not us. It’s the whole format, the whole radio thing we’re doing.

Janet - I don’t like it either, but our sponsors do and we’re barely making it as it is. I thought we had dealt with your being burned out by giving you your own show, “Call in Friday” on “Noon Time Tunes.”

Alan -Having my show has helped a little bit but, you know I’m not sure I have that many fresh ideas right now. I have writer’s block. I have a thought of something new to do though.

Janet – And what would that be this time, Alan?

Alan -I’ve given it a lot of thought and I would like to have more meaning in what we’re doing. I would like to use our small station to help people, not just play this top 40 stuff. You know the saying, “the plays the thing, the thing that turns the heart of the king.”

Janet-So what are you thinking then?

Alan - I have been putting some of my own songs in the music rotation but as I said I’m blocked now. I’ve written some music to poems my great Uncle Will Carleton has written. And I think they’re pretty good. That’s the Cd I gave you. Did you listen to it?

Janet - Yeah, it’s good. I thought it was your stuff. But why Will?

Alan - Will believed poetry should be connected either with the improvement, or the rational entertainment of the human race. I think we need a new voice, or maybe an older one to cut through these dark cynical clouds. For some reason the issues he wrote about seems to apply to today. He tried to write in words the average American could understand .

Janet - That’s good! You’re really into him huh? Your great uncle must be from your mother’s side. Will didn’t know about him.

Alan - Yeah, I’m into him. When he wrote a poem about a poor house, it caused children to rise up and take care of their parents.

Janet - All you need is love, right Jake? That’s what I admire about you and frustrates me at the same time. You still believe that somehow words and songs can affect the world for change. Amazing! (in an announcer’s voice) Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, the 8th wonder of the world. An optimistic, preserved dinosaur from the 1960s. Keep hope alive man.

Alan - (Slowly, as if to say “and what's the problem with that?”) Yeah?

Janet - Part of me feels who would want to hear from a 19th century unknown poet but what do we have to lose? It’s a couple songs, it’s your show, and it could possibly bring in a new audience and expand our demographics.

Alan - I’ll need you to help vocally on the first one. We’ll start with a simple love poem of Will’s that I put to music. I thought we could do a duet like we used to. We can sing to a backing track. It’s one of the ones you listened to on the cd.

Julia-I listened to the whole cd.

(Alan nods showing cool)

Julia - That was “Hot Tamale in Canada” by the “Nice Fine Gentleman.”

(Theme music trumpet sounding)

Julia - Hey everybody, a new feature on “Noon Time Tunes” with our own great local talent and man about town, Alan Davis doing a real blast from the past some poems from a poet from Michigan, Will Carleton.

Alan - Julie be sure to turn on a second mic for Janet.

Julia- (surprised showing a little disappointment) OK!

Whole SONG

Alan- IF you to me be cold

Janet - Or I be false to you

Alan - The world will go on, I think

Janet – Just as it used to do

Alan -The clouds will flirt with the moon

Janet – The sun will kiss the sea

Alan -The wind to the trees will whisper

Janet – And laugh at you and me

Alan -But the sun will not shine so bright

Janet – The clouds will not seem so white

Alan- To one

Janet – As they will to two

Alan and Janet-Me and you, you and me

Alan -If the whole of a page be read

Janet – If a book be finished through

Alan -Still the world may read on, I think

Janet – Just as it used to do

Alan -But lids have a lonely look

Janet – One may not read this book

Alan and Janet - It opens only to two

Alan - So I think I had better be kind

Janet – And I had best be true

Alan - And let the reading go on

Janet – Just like it used to do.

Alan and Janet-Me and you, you and me

Julia (fake radio voice) That was so touching (raises eyebrows) you and me and me and you. Here’s an instrumental by “The Beach Men,”called, “Why Not Me, Senorita?” (plays music)

Janet – That was good: very pleasant.

Alan - We haven't lost it! We were singing like the old days! Let’s do a romantic Will double play.

Janet - Good. Our audience likes love songs. That was the second cut that was on the cd?

Alan- Yep.

Julia – Janet, you we’re much too close to the mic, almost distorted.

Janet - I’ll get a little farther away.

Jake - Janet you got a kick it up a little. Move those hips! You’re like a statue.

Janet - Do the board Jake.

Julia - Here is Alan and Janet doing, “PURE and Winsome Maiden?”

Whole Song

Alan - Oh STRONG and terrible Ocean, Oh grand and glorious Ocean,

Oh restless, stormy Ocean, A million miles o'erl

When never an eye was near thee to view thy turbulent glory,

When never an ear to bear thee tell thy endless story,

What did you do oh Ocean? Did you toss your foam in air?

With never a tree to fear thee, and never a soul to dare?

Janet - Oh, I was the self-same Ocean, The same majestic Ocean,

The strong and terrible Ocean, with rock-embattled shore;

I threw my blanket ove ’r my shoulders,

I raised my head in triumph, and tossed my grizzled hair

I knew that some time—many my guests would be,

and hearts of courage would rest and bend to me.

Alan- Oh deep and solemn Forest, 0h sadly whispering Forest,

Oh, lonely moaning Forest, that whispers evermore!

When never a footstep wandered across thy sheltered meadows,

When never a bird sang music 'mid thy shadows,

What did you do then, 0h forest? Did you robe yourself in green,

and pride thyself in beauty all while to be unseen?

Janet- Oh I was the self-same forest, The same low-whispering forest,

The softly murmuring forest, and all of my beauties wore.

I dressed myself in splendor all through the lonely hours;

I wrapped the vines around me, and covered my lap with flowers;

For I knew that some time - birds would flit and nestle here;

songs of sweetness would charm my listening car;

I knew that some time - lovers would wander ‘neath my, bows

and into the ear of my silence would whisper holy vows.

Alan - Oh fair and beautiful Maiden, 0 pure and winsome Maiden,

Oh grand and peerless Maiden, created to adore!

When no love came to woo thee that won thy own love treasure,

When never a heart came to thee thy own heart-wealth could measure,

What did you do then, 0 Maiden? Did you smile as you smile now,

With ne'er the kiss of a lover upon thy snow-white brow?

FEMALE - Oh I was the self - same Maiden, the simple trusting Maiden,

the happy and careless Maiden, with all of my love in store.

I daily counted blessings and cheerfully went my way;

took no thought of the morrow, and cared for the cares today;

For I knew that some time, into my path the love of my life would glide,

and by the gates of heaven would wander side by side.

(Janet gets emotionally brought in)

Alan - What did you think of Will? (Background music keeps going gets softer)

Janet – Of Will? (still emotionally caught off guard by the romance, pauses and collects herself) Of Will. That’s even more like it. It has romantic tone. Boy meets girl. Man compliments woman (pause) Man notices woman (pause) then man says woman is beautiful (pause) tells woman she’s needed (composes herself) It works in our market share.

(Music fades out)

Julia That was one called “Pure and Winsome Maiden” (rolls eyes) Here's “Move Over Mozart,” by “The Hush Puppies!”

Jake- Hey Janet. I thought it was a bit corny. I like a little more wang dang doodle in my love life. That's the way I like it uh huh uh huh uh huh. That’s the way I treat my ladies.

Julia - I don’t want to know Jake how you treat your ladies that don’t exist.

Alan - The more I think about it, we could really expand this. We could turn into a live radio broadcast and perform with a live audience. We could share Will’s messages in his poems, and create some good will in the community.

Janet - We could do live shows at the area churches and coffeehouse and K of C halls. We could charge a fee to get in and, sell the performances on CD and DVD, and by expanding our market there could be new advertising money.

Alan It would be almost (PAUSES) like a play. We could dress in character, which would make the whole thing more fun.

Janet - A play. Another asset and networking tool

Jake And it sure beats “Chopalapaloopa Boogey” by “The Astronauts.”

(Alan and Janet laugh)

Julia - Hey Alan, you got to give them a little of Will’s other side, where he sticks it to the Fatcats. What happened to Will’s big hit, “Over the Hill to the Poorhouse”? It’s the poem that made him famous at the time. I’ve rehearsed it so many times in costume. You’ve seen me do it Alan. I’m ready.

Jake - I like that costume!

(Julie looks with disdain at Jake)

Janet - (slowly raises her eyebrows) You’ve seen the costume and she knows about Will?

Alan – Night shift, she’s on the board with me. I told her my dreams about the poems. She’s into it.

(Janet nods with no emotion)

Alan - Janet, could you do the phones, have Jake do the board? Let Julie perform and I’ll play guitar.

Janet - I guess.

Julia (sings or recites)

Over the hill to the poorhouse Over the hill to the poorhouse.

Over the hill to the poorhouse I'm trudgin' my weary way

A woman of seventy and only a trifle grey

I am smart and chipper for all the years I’m told

As many other women who are only half as old.

To the poorhouse I can't quite make it clear,

To the poorhouse it seems so horrid queer

Many a step I've taken toilin' to and fro

But this the sort of journey I never thought to go

Over the hill to the poorhouse Over the hill to the poorhouse

What's the use of heapin' a pauper’s shame, am I lazy - crazy - blind - or lame

True, I’m not so supple nor so awful stout

But charities not a favor that one can live without

Once I was handsome I was upon my soul –

once my cheeks were roses my eyes as black as coal –

But I can't remember hearing people say for any kind of reason

that I was in their way

Over the hill to the poorhouse Over the hill to the poorhouse

So, they have shirked and slighted me and shifted me about

They well nigh soured me and wore my old heart out

Still I born up pretty well and wasn’t all put down

Till Charly called the poor master and put me on the town

To the poorhouse my children dear goodbye –

Many a night I've watched you when only God was nigh –

But God will judge between us and I will always pray

That you will not suffer the half I do today

Over the hill to the poorhouse Over the hill to the poorhouse

(Phone rings, Janet answers)

Janet – “Call in Friday.” Jake, who do we have on the lines?

Jake - We’ve got two excited callers, Janet.

Phone caller - That song you just played made me want to want to visit my mother in the nursing home more often to find out If its clean and to see what’s up with the weekend help? And how come 12 rubber gloves are 212 dollars?

Janet – Got to keep those costs down. You look into that and let us know. “Call in Friday.”

Phone 4 - This is James Angram, a representative of Laurel House. I would like to point out, as one of your sponsors our homes and retirement communities are of the highest standards. We are not like an old poorhouse.

Janet - Great talking to you James. I know you do great work up there in the Laurel Springs area.

Jake- Here’s “It’s to too Much” by “Little Davie Marvin.”

(instrumental song)

Alan - Phone lines lit up. We did get a response.

Janet Yes, we did, but you have to admit, “Over The Hill To The Poorhouse” is not exactly your “My Teen Age Sunfish” by “The Pony Boys”. I’m just saying, we don’t want to upset our sponsors. That’s our lifeblood!

Julia - How about “Betsy and I Are Out”? That’s the one where the guy divorces his wife, It’s not controversial. You and Alan and my parents are divorced. Part of todays’ life.

Jake - Yeah, both my dads and moms are split up.

Alan - I’ll sing it, but I could use some help from you Janet.

(Alan takes Janet’s hands and nods to act this out)

(Alan Sings or recites)

Draw up the papers lawyers, make em good and stout

things at home are crossways, Betsy and I are out.

First thing I remembered, where we disagreed

was something concerning heaven, a difference in our creed.

And next was when I scolded because she broke a bowl.

She said I was mean and stingy and hadn't any soul

Write on the paper lawyer-the very first paragraph

Of all the farm and livestock, she shall have her half

Yes ,I see you smile, Sir, at givin her so much,

Yes , divorce is cheap sir, but I take no stock in such

True and fair I married her, when she was blithe and young

And Betsy was always good to me, exceptin with her tongue.

So, draw up the papers lawyers; and I'll go home tonight

and read the agreement to her and see if it’s all right.

JAKE – We got some calls, Julia.

Julia – “Free Call Friday.”

First caller - My parents are divorced and that song was kind of sad.

Julia - If it’s anything like mine probably, your mom’s fault. Next, “Free Call Friday.”

2nd caller - That guy in the song gave her way too much. My wife took almost all my money and my house.

Jake - Yeah, that’s like the guy who says his definition of marriage is marry someone you can’t stand then give them your money and your house. - It ain’t right the old man busts his can and then, Betsy gets half of the cash.

3rd caller - Did Betsy and her husband have children? It’s so hard on the kids.

Julia - Yeah especially if the parents are still children. I call my parents Nathan and Susan, not mom and dad, because they too act so juvenile. But Susan has a swimming pool and Nathan pays for my college, so it works out for me. Here’s the Chestnut Men doing I’ll be over later.

Janet - (flustered) Alan, the songs and poems are good as long as Dr. Laura, doesn’t answer the phone. (to Julia) Julia, what are you doing?

Julia -Answering the calls.

Janet - You call that answering? You can’t be on the phones until you learn!

Julia –Why?

Janet -You’re not a counselor and you’re insensitive.

Julia - OK, get me off the phones and let me do the acting. Let’s do “Sewing Girls Diary”, It’s where Will writes from the perspective of a young lady who makes 20 cents a day, starves to death on the street after her parents die, (overacts dramatically) and she is abandoned by her husband.

Janet – (to Alan) Look at her she’s out of hand. Stop her!

Alan – Julia, I’m not sure if the audience is ready for that one.

Julia -They listened to it a hundred and thirty years ago, why can’t we now?

Alan - Times are different now

Julia - Aren’t we more informed and freer?

Alan - Yes and no. We seem to be a little more touchy, and it’s (pause) complicated.

Janet— Julia. I’ve never seen you act this way. I think it would be best if you do the board. And let Jake do the phones. You’re a little out of hand.

Jake - I’m ready. !’m not a counselor, but I’m sensitive (pulls up his pants and scratches his armpit).

Janet - On the other hand, Alan, let’s give Julia one more chance. (Music fades)

Alan-Will Carleton’s poems were amazing! Some of the topics, he spoke of years ago are the same today. I'm going read a little of his insights into newspapers and media he wrote 150 years ago.

(Alan recites)

Why do the papers gossip would you know?

Because the public ear would have it so.

And even they who call the stuff absurd

Will sit and groan, and read every word

Why do we type all these seemingly useless stories, you call a waste?

To please some portions of the public taste!

And why do we tell the crimes of all the lands?

Because the public heart these tails they demand!

And why are we deep in politics immersed?

Because the public fought and quarreled first.

Julia – Hey, this is “Call in Friday”. Nice to hear some truth about our bogus media. Sounds like our local newspaper and TV, It’s all so biased. It’s a joke. Follow the money.

Ist caller - Loved the poem. It’s so true about our newspaper and media. stupid gossip about celebrities, fires and crime, unfair political coverage. I use my newspaper to wrap my garbage in.

Julia - (laughs) Me too. “Call in Friday”.

(Janet slowly starts to notice)

2nd Caller - This is Johnny Ramon, from the Times Herald editorial department and also News 5 Anchor. The media is biased, you’re saying. don’t tell us in a round bout way, that we’re a laughing matter. I hope you’re listening tonight, on your very own station, where we do our local commentary segment. We will critique your little skit. We are one of your sponsors you know. Understand?

Julia - Do what you want. I have a microphone and it works, and as they said to King Nebuchadnezzar read the writing on the walls, “your days are numbered,” and your paper and TV news is lacking. Here’s “Bring it On,” by “Stop the Fire”.

Janet – (to Alan) Did you just hear her? She’s got to go!

Alan - Permanently? She knows all my material!

Janet - I’ve never seen her this way, and this is her first mark against her. I don’t want to go through all the union procedures to get rid of her. I think Jake is a little more of a steady hand on the board right now.

Alan - Jakes the steady hand. Heaven help us. (to Jake) Jake, you do the board. Jake - It’s your show man (gives heart gesture)

Alan - How do you think the Will segment is going, besides the Julie situation? Janet - Do you really want to know? You’ve got the folks with the money and the power, the newspapers, the media and our sponsors wary or irritated at us. We do need a new format, but you’ve got to be careful. You’ve got to tell her.

Alan - I hate this. She understands my passion, and she’s passionate.

Julia - And I’m chop liver. Without me focusing, you’d still be playing for tips at the coffeehouse. (pause, Alan looks hurt) I’m sorry I didn’t mean that. You do have to tell her though.

Alan-I know. (to Julia) Julia, you need some time off. I don’t think you have the right approach, when it comes to Will.

Julia - Why?

Alan - Just about everyone in the city is getting on edge, and Janet has made a decision.

Julia - Janet made a decision, that figures. So, it’s my fault everyone is so uptight?

Alan - No, but you make it worse. You pour kerosene on a smoldering fire of their anger. We are trying to get people to see our problems from a different perspective, not just agitate them.

Julia - I’m surprised at you. I would have expected this from cold heart dead bones Janet, with her stale rhetoric, but not you. So you deal with me, but how are you going to deal with her suppressing the truth and everyone else’s anger?

Alan - You got to go for now. I’m not suppressing the truth, I’m trying to tell it, and your anger is getting in the way. Maybe you need a time out. You’re still at the station, but not on the air.

Julia - I’ll be back, I’m filing a grievance.

Janet - Well at least I’ll get a little break.

(Julia starts to walk away)

Janet - Wait. If you want a job, you’ll be in charge of props and doing the books.

(Julie sulks and picks up the newspaper still on the floor from the last skit)

Alan – (to Janet) Maybe with Julia doing the props, things will calm down a little. Let’s do that telegraph one, the one with the sound effects. Jake knows his part. I told him all about this when we worked the day shift together. Janet, you do the sound effects.

(Julia brings out the props, shoves them or drops them by Janet)

Jake - And now something new here on “Who’s Who Radio”. Me, Dr. Jake, and my main man Alan, portraying two old men, reciting a Will Carleton poem, about the TELEGRAPH and it will feature lovely Janet’s sound effects.

(RECITED FAST WITH RHYTHM ALMOST RAP)

(Janet plays a telegraph sound)

Alan - The world keeps newing so! they fashion it so old men find no place where to fit.

Jake - On and right on!

Alan - Leaps hot from every tongue;

Jake - Live, while you live!

Alan and Jake - Go it while you're young!

Alan - A moderate life, if these things last,

Jake - Will be among the lost arts of the past;

Alan - These rushing days of lightning and of steam

(Janet plays a railroad sound)

Alan - Push everything out into some extreme.

Jake -The rich grow richer, the smarter grow smart

Alan - It's harder for the rest to get a start

Jake – Old fashioned politics

Alan - Cease your strife

Jake - When men can say

Alan - An office or your Iife

Jake - Look at that man with his phony style

Alan - Who pilfers millions with a charming smile

Alan - And I have heard and read distressing things of railroad cliques

(Janet makes a train sound “Woo Woo”)

Alan - Monopolies, and Rings.

(Janet makes a bell sound)

Alan - I've tried to understand their stock reports,

Jake - Their bills and bears

(Janet makes a bear sound)

Alan -Their longs and shorts

(Janet makes a telegraph sound)

Alan - But now the telegraph tries to bring this whole world underneath the eye,

Jake - And my heart into sorrow drive over deaths of folks I didn't know were alive.

Alan - It is an interesting fact to know

Jake - That news can sweep across the country so

Alan - But it gets out of breath, I calculate,

Jake – (starts walking to the board then turns on music) and sometimes fails to tell the story straight.

(Music plays for 5 seconds and fades)

Jake – Nice Job Janet with the sound effects.

(Jake claps his hands)

(Janet makes a train sound “Woo Woo”, then telegraph sound, then train and bear noise)

(Julia picks up set walks by looks at her with an expression of you’ve got to be kidding me)

Jake - Here’s “Too Much to Lose” by “The Reverse Auto Mortgages”.

Janet - That was more like it. Let’s try that Will song about the poor. We will tie it in with Thanksgiving and we’ll give some of those turkeys away for free that we got for free in exchange for adds.

Alan - I’ll need Jake for that skit too.

Janet - OK I’ll announce the poem. We can’t ruffle anyone feathers on this one. Everyone wants to help the poor.

Alan – Do they?

Janet — “Whose Who Radio” this Thanksgiving will be taking donations for coats and turkeys and hats for the less fortunate in our listening audience Alan is going to do an excerpt from a poem by Will where he really makes you pause and think about the mystery of poverty.

(Julie brings out a bottle of alcohol and a doll)

(SONG)

Alan-Want Want Want (REFRAIN)

Lord save my soul I never knew the way

That people starve along from day to day

Of course some news of it has come my way

Like a faint echo on a drowsy day

At home I gave whenever I felt grieved

And called it charity and felt relieved.

T’was sad to see in this great misery cup

How guilt and innocence were all mixed up

Here lay a fellow, stupid dull and dumb

Whose breath was like a broken keg of rum

(Jake laying on stage drinks)

And there a baby looking scared and odd,

(Julia Places doll by Jake)

Who had not been a week away from God.

Want Want Want(REFRAIN)

At any rate the miseries that I see

Are useful in their good effects on me

Yet there are several people I suspect

(walks and looks towards the audience)

Who need a little of that same effect

And if they do not get it old and young,

(points to appropriate people)

It will be because I’ve lost my poor old tongue

(music softer slower - retards)

For now I promise from this very night

And hereby put it down in black and white

(Alan takes magic marker with a sign in big letters help the poor)

That every day that’s given me yet

And out of every dollar I can get,

A part shall be devoted square and sure

To God’s own suffering, struggling dying poor

Want Want Want (REFRAIN)

Janet – “Friday Call In”.

Ist caller- How do we get a hold of ecumenical charities?

Janet – We’ll get you the number email us at who’s who @whose who.com. “Friday Call In”.

2nd caller - Toying with socialism again, eh? Government funds for those that won’t work.

Janet – There’s other ways to help the poor than through the government. That’s not the point.

2nd caller - That is the point we all know about the poor but how does Will want to fix it privately or through the government?

Janet - We don’t have enough time for that discussion. We’re doing what we can on “Friday Call In”. I don’t think that’s what’s being said here it all.

3rd caller - So, you want to take our money and give our food to people who don’t work. Oh, I’m really hungry I could use a free turkey. How about some free wine and yams and lottery tickets?

Janet - (exasperated) Thanks for your call. Here’s “Rumbling Rumba” by “The Powder Kegs”. (to Alan) It’s a jungle out there. I thought that would be something we could agree on.

Alan - We will keep it light. Go back to romantic love songs. Apple blossoms by Will. Another romance. Everyone likes nature, romance, poetry, apple blossoms.

Janet –Do they?

Jake - (A little alcohol in him, keeps drinking) Here’s “the Apple Song.”

(Julia sulking and angrily sets up the apple blossom tree and Alan he sits with Julie under the apple blossom tree)

Recited Poem

(Music in background older 40’s music style older romantic)

Jake - (slurring speech)

Underneath an apple-tree sat a maiden and her lover, And the thoughts within her

(Alan puts his finger to Janet’s lips heart or mind)

Jake - He yearned, in silence, to discover.

(Julia shines a bright lamp on Janet)

Jake - The sun was shining green the grass- stretched before them;

While the apple- blossoms white hung richly o’er them.

Nothing in her eyes he read that would tell her mind to him; -

Till at last his heart burst free with the prayer that he was sayin

Alan – (on his knees) "When wilt thou be mine for evermore, fair maiden?"

Janet -When "the breeze of May with white flakes our heads shall cover, I will be thy bride then and you my husband lover."

Alan -How, Can I hope for such hopeful weather breeze of May and winter's snow do not often, fly together.

Jake - Quickly as the words she said, from the west a wind came sighing. and sent the apple-blossoms flying;

(Julia with a fan blows the blossoms in Janet’s face)

Alan - Flakes, of white, you are mine sooner than your wish or your knowing

Janet - No, I heard the breeze," There in the forest blowing."

(Music plays - Janet emotionally brought in)

Janet - (mixed emotions drawn into the romance but aggravated with Julia) That was nice.

Alan - So you liked that? I’m not sure what your feeling.

Janet - I loved the poem. We just have to be careful.

Alan –Ok.

Jake - (now drunk) That was “The Happy Apple Song,” and here is “I’m Your Big Bad Daddy” by “Flaming Hot and Nasty”

(Julia goes up to Alan puts her body close to Alan ‘s)

Julia - I don’t want to criticize Janet, but a little more emotion with Alan when "the breeze of May with white flakes our heads shall cover, I will be thy bride then and you my husband lover."

Janet – Julie, go do the books please.

Jake - Don’t let her rattle your cage, Janet your fine. I’d sit under the apple tree with you anytime

Alan – Jake, just do the board.

Janet - Hey guys. I have to go to a corporate meeting, so I’ll leave my boys in charge.

Jake - At your service madam.

Alan - See You later Janet (gives her a little hug and pat on the back)

Jake - What’s up chief? How are going to do your songs by yourself? We need at least 3 of us.

Alan - Put a wireless mic on Julia. I’ll try and keep her in line.

(Julia comes back)

Alan - Now Julia, for the sake of the poems and the cause and for me, (pause)

(Julia looks intently)

Alan - Can you try to stand for what you believe, but maybe be a little nicer about it? Everyone who doesn’t think like you is not your enemy. You don’t have to defeat and degrade them. Maybe just persuade them.

Jake - Hey that has a nice ring to it. You don’t have to defeat and degrade them, maybe just persuade them.

Jake and Julia - (getting into it gaining momentum) You don’t have to defeat and degrade them, maybe just persuade them.

Jake and Julia and Alan - (louder) You don’t have to defeat and degrade them, maybe just persuade them.

Alan – Stop! (takes a breath)

Julia -I’ll be a lot better because “Mrs. Gray” or “Mrs. Hot nor Cold” isn’t here. I think it’s become personal between her and I. I’ll disagree to spite her even if I agree with her.

Alan - That’s complicated. So you’ll cut of your nose to spite your face?

Julia What?

Alan- Never mind. Are you ready for the skit?

Jake - Sisters and Brothers, Its 4th of July in America and It’s party time!!

SONG (Rhythm of a drum with a reciting with a beat that follows he drum beat)

(Music plays and Julia drags a box onstage that carries different instruments and puts on a band coat, and so does Jake - Jake and Julia dressed in band costume)

Alan - The great procession came up the street,

With loud da capo, and brazen repeat

There was Hans, the leader, a German born

A sharp who worried the E flat horn

And Baritone Jake, and Alto Mike

Who never played anything twice alike

And Tenor Tom, of conservative mind

Who always came, out a note behind;

And Dick, whose tuba was seldom dumb,

And Bob, who punished the big bass drum.

(Jake pounds the drum hard. Music stops Alan holds his ears and says slowly as Julia sets up a stage and puts on a different hat, American revolution hat, and Jake puts on a suit coat.)

And that was the way The bands did play That gave us Our Independence!

ALAN - The eager orator (Jake dressed up as orator) took the stand

In the cause of our great and happy land

He aired his own political views

He told us all of the latest news

How the Boston folks one night took tea

(Julia acts out these words)

Their grounds for steeping it in the sea;

What a heap of Britons our fathers did kill

At the little skirmish of Bunker Hill

And when at last he had fought us through

To the bloodless year of '82

T’was the fervent hope of everyone

That he, as well as the war, was done And then he inquired, with martial frown,

Jake - (drunk voice) "Americans, must we go down?"

Alan - And as if an answer from heaven was sent The stand gave way, and down he went

(Jake falls)

Alan - (pauses and almost laughs at Jake and says slowly) And that was the way our orator lay, that gave us Hurray! Hurray! Hurray! Our Independence!

Julia - (looks at Jake with disdain) And that was the way our orator lay? that gave us Hurray, Hurray, Hurray our Independence

Jake - And that was the way our orator lay (holds his head like he has a headache and aches in his body) that gave us Hurray, Hurray, Hurray our Independence

(Jake keeps laying there. Julie gives him the alcohol again, then takes off her hat and puts on a purse and policeman’s hat.)

Alan - The people went home through the sultry night

In a murky mood and a pitiful plight;

Not more had the rockets' sticks gone down

(Jake makes a firecracker noise)

Than the spirits of them who bad "been to town”

(Jake drinks)

There were feathers ruffled, and tempers roiled,

(Jake acts like he’s mad and goes to fight)

And several brand new dresses spoiled;

(Julia drops water on her dress)

There were joys proved empty, through and through,

And several purses empty, too;

(Julia looks into her purse)

And some reeled homeward, muddled and late,

Who hadn't taken their glory straight; (of course Jake)

(Julia puts on police cap)

and some were fated to lodge, that night,

(Jake lays there with Julie with police cap trying to move him)

In the city lock-up, snug and tight.

(Alan slowly) And that was the way that gave us Hurray! Hurray! Hurray! our Independence

Jake - (holds the bottle and smiles) And that was the way that gave us Hurray! Hurray! Hurray! our Independence

Julia - And that was the way that gave us Hurray! Hurray! Hurray! our independence

(Music plays as Julia cleans up. Jake crawls to the board.)

Jake – “Who’s Who Noon Time Call in Show”

Ist caller - Hi, this is Johnny Q. It sounds like our mayor with his speech, and the police force certainly didn’t keep the crowd together this summer. Our band was laughable and some of the foods that were served blocked my arteries.

Jake - The band was really bad and the old ladie’s food tasted like plastic. I said to my buddy they should serve Tums with their food. Next.

2nd caller - This is Haddison High School’s band director. I thought our children played well at the 4th of July concert, and I am very proud of them and I thought my mother’s and her friends volunteer food was very tasty.

Jake -Yeah, if you like horns that are out of tune, and beats a half beat off, and you have your tums.

Caller - Hi, this is James Lielson, the mayors’ assistant. I think you and your callers are being very unfair to our mayor and also the police. We had to talk that long this summer because of our love of this great country. I’m quite surprised and disappointed with Who’s Who.

Jake - Were you at the same function as me that fat old clown of a mayor, made me fall asleep. Or are we from the same universe? (hangs up)

(Alan motions Julia to get Jake off the board.)

Julia - Call in Friday

3rd caller - I served in the armed forces and I really treasure our freedom and seeing the flag wave is our wonderful thing. I really hope you’re not putting our country down by mocking our great and glorious day of Independence.

Julia - Hey, if the shoe fits wear it. It’s great that we have freedom but what do we do with it, is the point.

Alan - (grabs the mic) Here is “Mansion in the Sky” by Will Carleton and Alan Davis. It’s a poem about changes in the church when they first introduced an organ into the church.

SONG (Music plays - Julie brings keyboard back out on stage)

Alan-They’ve, got a brand new organ Sue, for all their fuss; and search

Julia --They've done just as they said they'd do, and fetched into church

Alan -They've got a chorus and a choir, against our voice and vote

Julia - For it was never our desire to praise the Lord by note

Alan - And now, their bold, newfangled ways is comin' all about;

Julia - And I, in my latter days, am fairly crowded out

Alan - I thought I'd chase their tune along, an' tried with all my might;

Julia - But though my voice is good an' strong couldn't steer it right

Alan - I know when the note was high, then was low, an' also contrawise;

Julia - Am I too fast, or they too slow, to "Mansions in the Skies"

Alan - But death will stop my voice, I know, for he is on my track

Julia - And someday I to church will go, And never more come back;

Alan - And when I get to heaven and when folks sing loves mystery

Julia - I do not want no organ thing a squealin' over me!

Alan and Julia – AMEN

1st caller- This is Reverend Hoopley. I find it very peculiar that you happen to have a song ridiculing the church organ when we are in the process of trying to persuade our congregation to tithe and help finance our new $200,000 dollars church organ

Jake - Purely a coincidence

2nd caller - Are you ridiculing our church choir, that sings as volunteers? Or are you ridiculing our Lord and Savior?

Jake - Nothing against the Savior but you guys suck as singers

Alan - (grabs the microphone) The doctor’s story

(Julia lies in the bed sick Jake plays the part of husband and Alan has a doctors brief case)

(SONG)

Alan - Physic and blister, powder an' pill

bound to conquer, and sure to kill

Mrs. Rogers lays in her bed

bandaged and blistered from foot to head.

blistered and bandaged from head to toe

Mrs. Rogers is very low.

Bottle and saucer, spoon and cup,

On the table stand bravely up;

physics of high and low degree;

calomel, catnip, boneset tea;

Everything a body could bear,

Except light and water and air.

(STOP - Alan thinks, music starts)

Alan - I opened the blinds; the day was bright

And God gave Mrs. Rogers some light.

I opened the window; the day was fair

And God gave Mrs. Rogers some air.

Bottles and blisters, powders and pills

Catnip, boneset, syrups, and squills

Drugs and medicines, high and low

I threw them as far as I could throw.

(Alan throws some pills - music stops)

Jake - Wife is a gettin' her health,

Alan =Your wife had God's good care

and His remedies--light and water and air

all of the doctors, beyond a doubt

couldn't have cured Mrs. Rogers without

Jake - Well (pause) then my bill is nothing, "To God be the glory, as you say!!

God bless you, doctor! Good-day, good-day!!

(Background music stops)

Alan- If I ever doctor that woman again,

I’ll give her medicine made by men! (Keeps repeating faster and faster.)

(music plays Julia and Jake go for the phones. Alan stops them and picks up the phone)

Alan- Friday call in.

1st caller - Typical doctors - that’s how it started. Give her medicine made by men. You know what my bills are for medicine? I pay more for medicine than food.

Alan - (on edge) I know my mom went through the same thing. Someone’s making money.

2nd caller- I have been listening for weeks and you and that Will, I sincerely question both of your patriotism with how you mocked the country with the July 4th skit you did.

Alan - (edgier) It’s a democracy - It’s ok to debate and have different views. We can love this country and think differently can’t we?

3rd caller - So your suggesting a government takeover for the elderly and the poor?

Alan (screams loses it) That’s what you’re suggesting, I’m suggesting, you blow hard.

4th caller -This is Reverend Hooply again. That skit where you made fun of the church organ, makes me question all of your beliefs in Jesus Christ.

Alan - (really loses it) Don’t judge, you phony hypocrite. You look so nice on the outside, what are you like on the inside?

(Jake who is obviously drunk pulls Alan away)

Jake-Thanks for calling. And to end the program tonight a special dramatization of a Will poem that imagines Mrs. Garfield’s reaction after her son the president had been shot.

(Alan takes gun out and shoots Jake. Jake collapses to the ground and lays there motionless. Alan after the shot holds the gun and trembles)

SONG (Bluesy or early jazz blue)

Julie -Why should they kill my baby? for he seems the same to me

As when, in the morning twilight, I tossed him on my knee,

And rowed for him hopes to blossom when he should become a man,

And dreamed for him such a future as only a mother can.

I looked ahead to the noon time with proud but trembling joy

I had a vision of splendor for my sweet, bright-eyed boy;

But little enough I fancied that, when he had gained renown

That envy's poisoned bullet would suddenly strike him down!

Why should they want to kill him?

Cause he had cut, through poverty?

And sent out good cheer to those who were stuck within,

That honor and honesty still can win?

Or was it because from boyhood he manfully bared his breast

To fight for the poor and lowly and aid the sore oppressed?

Ah me! The world is working upon a treacherous plan,

When he who has struck for mankind is stricken down by man!

Why should they kill my boy?

(Janet comes back and sees Jake laying there motionless, Alan holding a gun trembling and Julia weeping)

Janet - I Heard the callers and the skits on the radio, I’m so disappointed in all of you. It’s time for Johnny Ramon’s commentary segment. Do you idiots remember him? He’s the newspaper and News 5 anchor that you made angry earlier.

JOHNNY RAMON VOICE - Hello, this is Johnny Ramon from the Times Herald and News 5 anchor. “Whose Who Radio” now feels that serving the community is ridiculing our newspapers, communication media, doctors, drug stores, nursing homes , our beloved mayor and even the church. Songs that make light of divorce, ridiculing our patriotism and in one final tasteless and outrageous skit they assassinate a president. I never thought I’d long for their old format. Oh, to hear “Bye, Bye Bluebird” by “The Cherry Pickers” again.

Janet – Have you lost your minds? First you go after the nursing homes and then you address hunger and divorce. I was willing to live with that. But then you attack the church, the media, America’s patriotism, the mayor, and our doctors. You have the whole town all stirred up. I feel so betrayed by all of you.

Alan - I was just trying to bring a different voice to our problems. You know Will’s poems brought us into almost a parallel universe. They made us think and moved us. That’s Will, that’s art, that’s poetry.

Janet - Why did you have to pick such a controversial poet?

Julia - Will’s not controversial.

Janet -I don’t need to hear from you.

Alan - Will’s books were considered family at that time and he wasn’t controversial. Wills poems haven’t changed, maybe we as a people have changed.

Julia - Petty uptight and angry not seeking the truth and everything seeing out of their own shaded glasses

Alan - Instead of spiritually. Maybe his time he lived in was more polite and civil?

Janet - Come on, Civil? Like the Civil War? Why are you preoccupied in the past? What’s wrong with your voice? Why can’t you take what you’ve learned from Will and use your own voice for today’s world? Or why can’t you pass on what you’ve learned from your own past?

Alan - You have more people talking now that we ever did on our old format. I don’t think you can go back to it.

Janet - I know our station can go back to the old format. It paid the bills, it was safe and stable. We can go on from this and start new, with what we’ve learned, but as far as Will on Whose Who radio, it’s over.

Alan - I understand. I don’t blame you. There’s no money in it for you. Janet -I can hardly afford to let you go, but it’s come to this. I’ll go and do a search for someone throughout the whole country if I have to. To run this station. I’ll give you a night to sleep on it.

Janet — As far as you Julia - you are done.

Julia - I’m not done. I’m just beginning.

Janet – You’re done here at Who’s Who.

Julia – You can’t control how I think. So, I’m done here. But I’m not done. I’ve learned a lot from Alan and Will. And I learned from seeing and knowing you. I know what I don’t want to be, middle aged, scared and sold out. I’m going to broadcast whatever I want on KTUS, my college radio show.

Janet - We’ll see how you end up, if you stay in radio and survive like I have. We’ll see how you do, when you have to deal with the realities of the business. Good luck Julia, I was a lot like you once.

Julia - I’m going to broadcast truth!

Janet - Seems right. You go do that. I need some sleep.

Alan – (to Jake) Jake, are you ok?

(Jake doesn’t get up at first everyone comes up to him.)

Jake – Yeah, I was playing with you. I just wanted to see when one of you would notice that I might be dead. I’m laying here maybe dead or overdosed, and your all caught up in your arguments. You take your opinions too seriously. What about someone’s life? You should lighten up. Can’t we all get along?

Janet - Glad you’re ok. If you run the board tonight from satellite feed, I’ll give you time and a half.

Jake -Yeah, it’s your show

(Music and lights go down.)

Alan - I Need some wisdom to sort all this out. I’m torn. Janet’s right, I can’t live in the past. Julia’s right, you have to speak the truth. Jake keeps his cool sort off and I’m (pause), I don’t know. I put all this effort in and manage to get my manager mad at me, Julia fired and help develop Jakes’ drinking problem. Then on top of that the whole town is agitated with everyone divided worse than they were.

(Alan picks up Will Carleton’s book)

Alan - Old Will Carleton book. (pages through) This poem’s neat. When My Ship Went Down. One of my favorites. A poem about a guy’s ship that’s going down and everything he has goes down with it in a shipwreck . It’s like my life.

Ruined nets around me weave but I have no time to grieve

I will promptly I believe build another ship (pause thinks)

(Alan says it again) Ruined nets around me weave but I have no time to grieve

I will promptly I believe build another ship

(Alan sings it) Ruined nets around me weave but I have no time to grieve

I will promptly I believe build another ship

Alan - Ruined nets which were supposed to catch good things are combined with a bunch of bad stuff in the nets which I can’t sort out.

My life is a life is like a tangled web or net

My ship sunk ----- my whole life is gone.

But I have no time grieve----quit feeling sorry for myself?

I will promptly I believe build another ship----

Learn from it, build a better ship, build a better way of life

(Gets on his knees and folds his hands and looks up)

Oh Lord please show me where I went wrong with Will Carleton poems. I wanted to help this sinking ship we call this country. Give it a neutral way of looking at things, a different perspective. A paradign shift. What was I missing Lord?

(pauses becomes enlightened and then takes out some paper and a pen)

Allan -- I think I have a new song!

(Lights go down)

Janet - Any decisions Alan?

Alan - Build another ship. I mean start a new direction, build it right here.

(Julia, Janet and Jake look at Alan as if to say, “that’s good now come on what’s next?”)

Alan - Can’t live in the past. Maybe I can create a better present that will lead to a better future.

(Julia, Janet and Jake look at Alan as if to say, “that’s good now come on what’s next?”)

Alan - And I think I can build some bridges and mend some fences in this town. Maybe I can pass on what I believe to be true.

(Julia, Janet and Jake look at Alan as if to say, “that’s good now come on what’s next?”)

Alan - Maybe Will was too direct for our times.

Jake - As John Lennon said “ If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao you ain’t going to make it with anyone anyhow”.

Janet - Jesus spoke in parables.

Alan- (begins to get clarity and confidence) And if I had to do it all over, I’d spend less time on right and wrong and lot more time on love.

Julia - What’s so funny about peace, love and understanding?

Alan - Yeah

Janet - So you’re staying.

Alan - (starts to verbalize his vision) Yes. I think it’s sometimes how you say it. It’s as important as what you say. Whether you say it a hundred years ago or a hundred years from now, on a 500 watt station, or over a syndicated cable show, or one on one, we can give life and death with our tongues. We help create a violent culture with our words.

Julie - Blessed are the peacemakers.

Janet - Amen to that!

Jake - Peace, love, Woodstock and waterbeds

Alan - (Laughs then BOLDLY says) Yeah, I guess and maybe like Will did, we need to learn to speak in today’s American language. Will believed a poem should never be above the comprehension of the average mind. The clearer the windowpane, the brighter you’ll see the flowers of the garden and one more thing check it out ---Do not bear false witness against our neighbor, even if they have a different point of view.

Julie and Janet – (hold each other back) Wow!

Jake - Preach it brother!

Alan - And it’s never personal, it’s a debate over ideas. Maybe sometime we have to assume some good intentions. Maybe agree when we agree, but don’t disagree when we agree to prove a political point. Will believed,” In every person, even if debased, there may be some good worth lifting up and saving, that in each human being, though seemingly perfect are some faults which deserve pointing out and correcting.”

(Julia, Janet and Jake stop and strain their brow’s too think and act like thy understand)

Alan - If I speak in the tongues of angels and have all wisdom but do not have love, it profits nothing.

Janet - What a relief (hugs) Alan is back!

Julie - Maybe a nonviolent sit in for peace?

Jake - Groovy baby.

Alan - And the secret word today is love and I am going to debut a brand new song that I wrote in the middle of a very dark night. This is also the end of this play, but remember the end never justifies the means. Just maybe (pause) this isn’t the end (pause), maybe this is the beginning.

SONG

Alan - Love, plus love equals love - You, plus me equals you and me

Faith, hope and charity these things will remain

To hear this song on the radio would move me

To hear this song on my favorite show would soothe me

Life is so short somehow, the world spins and turns

What really matters now is to live and learn

To hear this song on the radio would move me

To hear this song on my favorite show would soothe me

Everybody talks about it in this world of push and shove

But I know that I know what will last is love

I hear choirs of angels singing up above

Lord send your Spirit on the wings of a dove

Alan, Janet ,Jake and Julie - Love plus love equals love

You plus me equals you and me

Faith, hope and charity these things will remain

To hear this song on the radio would move me

To hear this song on my favorite show would soothe me